Now What?

Do you believe in Fate? How about Karma? Do you believe in a Higher Power at least? No, I am not trying to push a faith at you, not by any means. LOL. Me, a gay, divorced father of two, who is currently living with his domestic partner in the bible-belt. Now would I be the type that would likely push faith or religion, no, I don't think it would be likely.

Do I have faith? Yes, I do. Do I believe in a Higher Power, yes, of course I do. I would be "pretty" narcissistic to believe that I created myself. And I would not consider myself to be educated if I thought my existence was just a mistake of circumstances mixed with chance.

Do I pray? I think that is relative to your own belief system. And now I am going to forest-gump and say that is all I have to say about that.

So why am I acting melancholy tonight. Today has been a very overwhelming day for me. Shall we say my emotions have been run through the mill the past several years. And today, today for the first time in a long time I feel as if maybe the scales are beginning to tip ever so slightly back to "fair". (huge grin) There is a reason she keeps that blindfold over her eyes, she cannot handle the emotions that are stirred when the scales lean to far in one direction for too long. How does she think we feel, especially when the scales are leaning to the otherside for such a long period of time.

Ok, you are probably scratching your head by now, right? Yea, I know. Melancholy.

Today, I won. Today several chains were thrown to the ground and they no longer hold me in their grasp.

I have been for the past several years considered "less than a real father". Today a state authority had to admit the truth by saying I have been doing my part and that I am on target, and no longer a "target". She no longer has control over my sanity. She can no longer hold me responsible for her past, present or future. My ex-wife can no longer point her finger and tell the world that I am not what or who I am supposed to be to my children.

All the lies that have been told over the past years are all coming unravelled. They are showing themselves for what they are, LIES.

Just one little piece of advice, if you are going to tell a lie about another human-being, please make it one that time cannot turn on you.

The harsh reality to all of this is that the children are still the ones that have and will hurt the most. My pain is superficial for the most part because most of it is due to a bruised ego and pride. Although the time lost with my children will never be recovered, that pain is real and hits all the right spots. Some wounds will never heal no matter how much time passes.

I believe now that the children are older and have more understanding that they are seeing the situation for what it really is. I believe that the "wool" over their eyes is finally fading away.

Oh, and Karma, (clearing throat) can be a bitch. Really, do what is right and do no harm to yourself or others. This is the way to live a healthy life. All the rest, well, none of the rest matters. Live and let go. Guess this means I can forgive her and myself.

So, I suppose that my blog is becoming more non-fiction than the fiction that I had hoped for, but then again, non-fiction can be more interesting at times.

Hope you think so as well. But do not worry, there will be more to come..........I am sure.